Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
