these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
