The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
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Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize