So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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