apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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