Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
