There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
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I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
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Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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