just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
