My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
