my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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