im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
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Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
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I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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