I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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