Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
