How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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