If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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