Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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