Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
