I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
