I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
