It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you traded sex for a burrito?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
