I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
