he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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