I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
