I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
