how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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