thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
