I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
