I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
