FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
