..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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