Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
