Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
