I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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