ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
