whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Randomize
