Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
