I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
