never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
