Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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