The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I cannot find my penis.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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