Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Ladies don't puke and tell
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
