what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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