Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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