she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
bring money and cleavage
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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