I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
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I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
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But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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