Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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