Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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