Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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