shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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