alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
