my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
