i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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