After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
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