We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
