Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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