i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
