you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
