i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
