Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
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I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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