I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
