I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm sobbing to NWA
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
