planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
