On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
