Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
