girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
