I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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