so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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