He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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