I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Drake has all the answers
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
