just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
