I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Me too!
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
