I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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