i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
my shit smells like andre
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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