True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
