Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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