Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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