He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
