I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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