i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
