I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Is it penis luge time yet?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
